My Life

STANDING ON CROSSROAD Version 2

I wrote the journal "Standing on Crossroad" 2 years ago. It is amazing how much I have changed. Obviously I have chosen the right direction when I was standing on the crossroad 2 years ago. 

Journey of life is a journey that we should be enjoying. Often, we are confused when we are standing on crossroad. We are not sure which way to go.  Finally when we sort out which way to go on the crossroad, we face other obstacles in our journey.

We may walk in the one way street where there is no return.

We may be on a heavy traffic road where we are not moving at all.

We may be on the highway during the night where we are all alone.

We may be on the perfect road but witout a perfect car.

When we have the perfect car, we don’t have the perfect driver.

After lots of travelling we may be standing back on the crossroad again.

I used to think that knowing where is the stop point is important for me. Just like running a marathon, if I know how much longer do I need to hang on till the stop point, it will motivate me to continue.

BUT I was wrong…

Knowing the starting point is much important for me now. No matter where I go now, I know I can always return to my starting point, where I call it HOME. If I am standing on the crossroad now, I know which direction to choose. Choose the direction that will lead me home. Starting point is my ending point and the ending point becomes my starting point. The alpha is the omega and the omega is the alpha.

One shall not grief over the obstacles. One shall go on the journey with courage and righteounous. One will not enjoy the journey if one continues to grief and complain. My new concept is:

We shall not measure ourselves by looking how much more we need to go BUT…

measure ourselves by looking how much we already gone through.

I am just an ordinary person when looking back on the crossroad I once stood on…

What are interests and hobbies? It is something that you do when you are bored? People nowadays are just too busy to follow up the pace that they forgot what are their interests and hobbies. Finally when they have some free time, to do nothing will be the things they want to do. Hence, slowly they forgot what they used to love to do. Your interest and hobbies are what you love to do. What you love to do is who you are. How could you not know what are your interests and hobbies? How could you not know what you love to do? How could you not know who you are? My advise…slow down and find your hobby or interest. Find yourself!

I love who I am now. I never thought I’ll be who I am today. I used to be a… let’s not go to who I was. Now, I am just a stress free and healthy lifestyle girl. But that doesn’t mean my life is bored. I learnt to slow down and developed hobbies and interest.

I am glad that now I know, I still love basketball a lot. I like running along the beach, take lots of photos, watching TV, surf the internet, and listen to music especially Jay, Leehom, JJ & etc. The most recent interest that I developed is very costly but it is worthy. Travelling!!! has became part of my life. Despite with my current interest, there are still something I don’t like. I don’t like to read and shopping. Hey, I am still Carrie.

I have developed new hobbies and I still keep some of the old ones. How long will these hobbies and interest last? I don’t know. I will always find my interests and hobbies along the way no matter where I am or the world is changing or not. The most important is, I will always know what are my interests & hobbies, always know what I love and always know WHO I AM!!!! I am not a teenage girl trying to find identity. I AM CARRIE.

If you can’t find your interest or don’t know your hobbies, who are you???

I haven’t been updating the blog for a long, long time. I have forgotten when was the last update and when did I start writing the blog? I am starting to be very forgetful. I forgot what I wore yesterday, what I ate for lunch and how could I wore 10 pairs of socks in a week. Bizarre, many of my friends actually thought that I have a good memory. But they were wrong. The things I forgot were much more that the things I remember now. After a deep thought, I realised that I started to write things down as a reminder for myself.

I started writing diary / blog to remind myself of the feelings I felt for the very moment on the very special occasion. At this very moment… I felt the word

“MISS”. I miss this feeling because I know I will miss it. I miss running along the beach. I miss the autumn. I miss the scenery. I miss the rainbow. I miss the freedom. I miss driving to Brisbane. All the things that I miss are because I know I shall miss it soon. The feeling I am feeling now is a feeling that I shall feel in the future.

However I am grateful that I realised that I’ll miss it in the future. Therefore I appreciate the present a lot. Because I miss the things that I missed in the past, I tried to compensate the future that causes me to miss the present that I’ll miss in the future. I miss my family because I was not there in the past. I tried to be with them in the future that I missed enjoying the present. In the future when I am enjoying the company of family I missed, I will miss the present. The word miss will always be around. Therefore, do not live in the past nor future but the present.

Miss Carrie is Miss Miss…

Miss my Family, Miss the Food and Miss Malaysia…

Looking forward for the way

People are always looking forward for the way that they are walking.

Some people like to walk the way they already knew.

Some people like to walk the way which had been discovered.

This people like to follow the footsteps of others as it is a human nature.

People walk toward the way which they sense the security.

However some people like to discover their own ways.

They may need not only walk but run, swim or even fly.

This people do things their way.

And I am one of them.

I used to follow others footsteps as I was lack of security, faith, courage, wisdom and most of all the strength and power.

However, I felt the strength and power now. I shall have faith in myself and discover my own way even I have climb the highest mountain or cross a million oceans. Even now, I believe I can fly. When I reached the way, I shall call it the Carrie’s way as I did it my way!!! So I am looking forward for the way, the Carrie’s way.

   If I have to walk, I’ll walk. If I have to run, I’ll run.

   If I have to swim, I’ll swim

   If I have to climb, I’ll climb

   If I have to fly, I’ll fly

(P/S: Dedicated to those who had helped me in reaching my way. Thank you. You can never do anything alone and you will never be alone.)

Dedicated to my friend ‘ZOE’ on her Birthday Happy Birthday!!!

I do not need to tell or testify what a loving person you are because I believed that your friends knew about it. I do not need to dig out my bombastic vocabulary to describe what a wonderful person you are. What I want to share with you and your friends is a story, a story for your birthday.

Once upon of time there was this girl wondered how many peoples were in the earth. She assumed that there were zillions of people in the earth. Each day she saw and passed by hundreds of peoples.

In each year she saw and passed thousands of peoples. Out of the thousands only hundreds had an interaction with her. Out of the hundreds only hundred knew what her name was. Out of the hundred only half became hi, bye friends. Out of the many hi bye friends only a few came into her ship which she called friendship.

She wondered why??? Why out of the zillion peoples in the worlds only a few became her friends. She questioned ‘ Am I not good enough to deserve friends?’ Later, the few of her friends became fewer and left her ship” The Friendship". She gets used to the friend’s cycle.

She thought:

"Friend’s cycle was a ship that travelled around. In the deep blue sea the ship stopped at harbours, many peoples stepped in and out. None of these peoples stay in her ship and she did not ask any of them to stay. Those who left her were just not good enough to travel in her friendship.

I was this girl. Then I refused to accept the friend’s cycle. I travel with my ship to continue to seek the meaning of friendship. I will not only stop at the harbour but also save whomever in the sea. Finally I understand the real meaning of friendship. Thanks to a wonderful mother who gave birth to this being. A wonderful being that stepped into my ship.

I learnt the real meaning of friendship. The ship is meant for peoples to step in and step out. Finally I met Zoe. She is the type of person you should hold on. She left my ship but she never leaves my friendship. She may not travel in my ship but she will be in my friendship, FOREVER.

• Friends could be Zillion peoples in the world.
• Friends could be the thousands that you see.
• Friends could be the hundreds that you talk to.
• Friends are the few that travel with you in the ship.
• Good friend is the one stay in your FRIENDSHIP.

Thanks for your birth, ZOE. You are the one in the zillions. I will hang on you in my friendship. You are in my "I miss you very, very much" category.

This story is a true story of my life experience. This story written by Carrie and dedicated to Zoe, the one and the only one. Any copy or adaptation of the story is welcome. Please learn the meaning of friendship!!!

According to Oxford Dictionary, there are many definition of love:

1) Warm liking or affection, eg: a mother’s love, love of one’s country

2) Sexual affection or passion, eg: marry for love and not money

3) Religion love, eg: God’s benevolence towards mankind

4) Strong liking for sth, eg: a love of learning

5) Person who is loved, eg: Take care my love

6) Delightful person or thing, eg: Isn’t this hat a perfect love?

7) Address used by man to woman or vice verse, eg: Mind your head, love!

In tennis, no score, eg: the score in the game is thirty-love

9) Be in love, eg: I am madly in love

etc……etc……..

However for me the definition of love is simpler. Love in a relationship of man to woman, woman to man, man to man, woman to woman and etc. Love is in a relationship, friendship, sistership, brothership and etc. After all everyone see a different angle of the definition.

Kiss has always be the magical cure in the fairy tales. The magical kiss cured the Sleeping Beauty, Snow White but not the Princes Fiona from Shrek. WHY? Princes Fiona saw the different angle of her love. Being an Ogre and live happily ever after. So please to see the love in different angles…… The happiness is waiting.

So people out there, the photo I had presented is just a photo taken with an unusual angle. NO CONTACT AT ALL……. I did not have the magical kiss but the LOVE will always be there. (Dedicated to my beloved Sis)

Time passed by and realised that those I left behind are haunting me again, telling me that I did not do enough, did not try enough.

Giving up was not my choice as the future is telling me that I must let go. Future is threatening me, telling me I need to work hard; I need to try hard, for them.

My present has been war, war and war between my past and future. Present is not supposed to be compensating the past and working for the future. Present meant to be a gift, a gift to enjoy the present moment.

I am just a lost child!!!! I became a workaholic so I do not need to think what to do and where to go. Just follow the schedule!!! Every single day I know where to go and what to do. This is not who I am!!!! I am not a robot!!!!

It is great that I saved sometimes time for myself to express a little feeling here. After trying to describe myself, I knew I am not a lost child. I am just an ordinary person with an ordinary feeling when standing on a crossroad.